SPEED EQUALS DISTANCE OVER TIME

Everyone laughed at the tortoise when he limped over the line.
Although he had been victorious, we all knew the hare hadn’t tried.
Because in his post-race interview, he seemed pleased with second place
He said, “When you reach my level, there’s no such thing as an easy race.”

Run, run, run, run. run.

Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)
I’ll see you at the starting line.

The tortoise signed an autograph for a bored, bored looking child,
When the hare came careering past he found it hard not to smile.
Because he’d signed a deal that would keep him in the papers for weeks
And a hot shoe contract where all he had to do was sleep.

Run, run, run, run. run.

Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)
I’ll see you at the starting line.
Speed equals distance over time (run away, run away)
I’ll see you at the starting line.

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Nothing used to anger occasional Winter Olympics art director Tim West more than what he perceived to be the hip-hopification of association football. How, he wondered, would England ever win a World Cup if local councils kept selling off playing fields and the only sporting role models our children were given are lazy self-serving billionaires pretending to be Akon.

Speed Equals Distance Over Time is the story of the hare and the tortoise re-told in this modern sporting context, with the tortoise cast as heroic journeyman amateur and his floppy-eared nemesis as the diamond-earring wearing, say-nothing, money-mad modern day professional. Guess who really wins out?

Actually, that sounds shit. And it’s only partially true. Speed Equals Distance is really all about the triumph and tragedy of being in The Winter Olympics. Hell, it’s the national anthem of being in The Winter Olympics: The eight long years of back-breaking, heart-aching training and toil, the dogged persistence in the face of mass public indifference, the little victories snatched away by younger, skinnier, shittier rivals… It’s a marathon not a sprint, remember?